We can easily find ourselves not following our dreams if we allow the “what if?” to hold us back. For me, more important is “why not?”
“Have you ever wondered what would happen if…?” I have heard this phrase so many times in the last four months since we finally made the move to living on our boat. These questions tend to fall into three categories:
• The physical
• Relationship based
• What makes you happy
What follows is an attempt to answer some of these questions as best I can, from my point of view. Although that may change with time, circumstances or context.
The most frequently asked question I get asked is “Do you still/actually/really like living on a boat?”
After surviving the journey of downsizing and going live-aboard it is now almost four months of living on Saboteur in the relatively safe waters of the Marina and surrounding environments, the answer is a resounding, “Yes. I/we still like living on the boat, in fact I/we love it.” My heart sings as I look outside and step off our boat onto the kayak. And I am sure half my friends are sick of another sunrise or sunset photo or video. Thank you for liking my posts anyway…
The first question is often followed by, “How do you find living in such a small space?” (Assumed compared to a sprawling house). Another common question is, “How do you find living so close to each other?” and also “What if you get annoyed with each other?”
I find those questions are all related, and I will answer them together.
Let’s not lose sight of the fact that I can get annoyed with Martin Lloyd
in a big house or a small boat… Just saying.
And in fairness, he can get annoyed with me, too!
These questions require an honest look at myself. And a level of self-awareness that at 53 years of age you kind of think/hope you had sorted out for oneself. But under new circumstances and new environments, I am finding I have to look inside a little bit more. It begs the question “should I have been more reflective more often?” The answer is probably. I am being kind on myself. The answer should have been a resounding yes; however I can’t go back, only forward.
My future is on the boat and in a smaller space. I am finding I need to share my frustrations and raise my concerns sooner.
Sometimes they are about something Martin has done, other times it could be something else. When it is something else, and I share it with him it means he is not wandering around the boat wondering if he has done something to annoy me. I am having to be more aware of what I do that may annoy Martin. Hard to believe. But it can happen. That I can be annoying that is. And sometimes we mirror each other. This makes for interesting and often humorous moments.
Being more honest with yourself can be confronting. Being more honest with each other can be even harder.
The “what if” factor… What if I am more honest? It is simple; we develop a greater understanding of each other’s needs. And we move past the annoyed stage much quicker. Another outcome is that I choose to let go of some things much quicker as well. And that feels great. Why waste quality time that I could spend enjoying something else? You know what I mean. The funny thing is I can get annoyed at myself for being annoyed and wasting time being annoyed…
There are also easier and equally as interesting questions,
“What do you miss from living in a house?”
The first words out of my mouth the first time I was asked this was “a bedside table”. Why? I miss having a cup of tea in bed. No biggie I know. My work around option is a small high sided baking dish I use as a stable tray and my “keep mug” (it has a sealed lid) which sits beside me in the bed. And if I knock it over without the lid sealed the remaining early grey is captured in the baking dish. Works well.
That sounds like nothing really. And I think if that is what I miss the most then I am doing alright. OK I missed fresh water when the fresh water pump broke recently. And it took a week to replace due to the challenge of finding the right pump with the right capacity that fitted the confines of the space.
What I truly miss is more associated with relationships and being in a different city. Being further away from family and friends. It is also one of the reasons for our adventures. Not the being away from family and friends bit. It is more about the travel, adventure and meeting new people, people who love being on the water or connected to the water and/or seeking adventures. And then, there are those who grow up on the water and worked on the water. “Salties” as they are called. I doubt we will ever be called “Salties” Our skin is too pale to start with. I’ll settle for sailor girl.
I digress – back to your questions…
What happens if one or both of you and are physically
unable to sail anymore?
We have talked this though a number of times. We discussed a number of circumstances ranging from Martin coming off his bike on a track day. This was less of a discussion and more of me telling him how I would handle the situation if he ended up in a wheelchair again. I would put a bed in the shed (we have a shed at the marina) and he can wheel himself to the amenities block… You may well laugh; laugh I did say that. We also discussed hoisting him on to the boat using a halyard. Also possible…
When we think of possible physical limitations, we have both been inspired by a lady at Newport Marina (where we kept our first boat) who is paraplegic and in a wheelchair. She lives on her own on her boat and sails single handed. While I never saw her sail, I saw her physically pull herself in her wheelchair up the marina ramp, sweat on her brow and determination on her face.
I wondered if she was so used to it now or did her muscles burn from lactic acid build up?
I have no idea how many times a day she did this. Going down the ramp you would think would be easier. However it first required her to get off her wheelchair, on to the bitumen and lift her wheel chair over the gutter and get back on and gently control the wheel chair going over the rise and the speed down the ramp and line her wheels up with the grooves that were cut in the bar at the bottom of them ramp to stop or arrest runaway trolleys. She never complained. She was not a victim, she was living her life. Once she told us of sailing her boat on her own (or single handed as they say) from Sydney to Brisbane. Our boat is potentially a bit big for single handed sailing. And if Martin is injured again we have opinions.
Our friends, Jo and Tim (of similar ages to us with Tim older than Jo) intend to sell their sailboat (a 52’ Ketch) and buy a cruiser. They want to sell before they find the upkeep and work required more daunting than is practical.
Even though they prefer sailing to motor cruising they would rather live on the water than on land. So, they have started looking for a beautiful displacement boat to call home.
And then we have met others who have opted for the canal boats of Europe and the United Kingdom. This is something We would love to do. I talk to anybody I meet who has had experience with canal boats. I think I am in love with the pace of life on a canal boat.
A recent conversation brought this home to me: “You have to totally learn to relax. Especially if you are travelling in peak season. You may have to wait for hours to get through the locks. You have to wait for the tides. And so you are stopped in the most beautiful countryside, in little villages, hamlets and you can either enjoy the beauty, read a book, listen to music etc because in those moments you cannot change the tide or jump queue. All you can do is be in the moment.” I first fell in love with this idea while reading Richard Branson’s autobiography (the first one). I would love to explore the UK and Europe in a canal boat once we are done sailing. But first we want to bounce around New Zealand and linger there for a while.
And finally, what if one day we are no longer able to
manage a motorboat (or canal boat)?
We draw our inspiration from a couple at Gold Coast City Marina. Let me tell you their story.
PJ and Jane: We had not seen the them for a few weeks. They have a house as well as a lovely motor cruiser. However, we had heard that PJ was unwell. He is 88 and they have had their berth at the Marina for twenty years. They spend a lot of time, there on their boat.
Anyway, we recently learnt that PJ has had a couple of mini strokes. In learning this, one cannot help but have a fleeting thought about our own mortality. It was with great joy we saw he and Jane back on their boat last week. Their visit was meant to be just to pick up a few things. However, they stayed the night. Jane commented on the fact that they will be wearing the same clothes the next day. They are always beautifully dressed.
They do not do the scruffy unkept look that many boaties gravitate towards (Including Martin who has clothes I need to throw away).
Notwithstanding, the next day Jane went home and grabbed them a change of clothes for one more night – they stayed two more. I think they left the same day we slipped our lines to go away for a long weekend. FYI our longest trip yet. Friday to Monday.
We spent time with PJ before we left. He still has his wicked sense of humour. The outcome of his strokes has drained his energy and physical capability. However, his wit is still as sharp as ever. They have planned to do a 6-day cruise this week. This cruise is with a Flotilla of boats and theirs was to be the lead boat. So, what have they decided to do? They have organised a skipper. This is the most sensible thing I have heard in a very long time. They will enjoy their cruise even more.
So my friends.
Have we wondered about what if? Yes, we have tried. But more importantly we prefer to look at the why not?
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